How healing a virus helped me make money

How in the world can healing a virus and making money be connected??

Well, my loves, let me tell you about my theory.

I have Epstein Barr Virus, which is mono.

Once you have mono, you always have it, and it becomes “reactivated,” usually during times of stress.

So I have seen it in new moms quite often, and I beg them to get tested.

Unfortunately, many providers won’t test for this. My guess is because it is tough to treat.

I had a nasty bout of mono when I was 14 years old.

I honestly don’t think I ever recovered. I have felt tired for most of my life.

But, it came raging back after I became a mom. Being pregnant is depleting. Parenting is depleting. Being constantly hypervigilant is very depleting.

Feeling stressed about money is depleting.

My vitality, or ojas, as we say in Ayurveda, was at an all-time low.

When your ojas is low, you lack immunity, energy, libido, zest for life, and the juiciness your body needs to function well.

You’re walking around like a zombie, tired but unable to sleep, grumpy, anxious, and barely surviving.

It’s a hard way to live.

Ayurveda says disease begins in the mind. This doesn’t mean that if you think, “Omg, I don’t want cancer!” you are going to get cancer.

It means that how you live your life, the decisions you make, and the thoughts you think have the potential to create physical challenges.

Your lifestyle matters. How you respond to life and stress matters to your physical and emotional health.

How you do this is greatly influenced by your genetics, environment, culture, and your own personal history of distressing life experiences.

Louise Hay talked about the emotional and energetic reasons for disease.

She says mono is about “feeling anger at not receiving love and appreciation and no longer caring for the self.”

And EBV is about “pushing beyond one’s limits. Fear of not being good enough. Draining all inner support. Stress.”

I have another book called ‘Feelings Buried Alive Never Die…’ which says mono is about feeling unloved, unworthy, and feelings of anger from not being appreciated.

It’s a virus of feeling unseen and unworthy, and we push, push, push beyond our limits to prove our worthiness, leading to depletion.

So, for me, EBV is a virus that invites you to love yourself.

To listen to your body and stop pushing beyond your limits.

To embrace yourself as lovable even if your caregivers couldn’t show you.

Interestingly, my healing of EBV started right as I was healing my money story; this was not purposeful at all.

I had no idea the two were related.

My money story was one of never feeling worthy to have what I wanted, but damn, did I push myself to the limit to make money, and my worried thoughts about money depleted my nervous system.

I made the number in my bank account the measure of my worthiness. “If i make this much, then they will see me. I will be lovable and worthy.”

I thought that would be the thing to create peace in my system.

It’s not how it worked for me.

It was quite the opposite.

The more I heal the physical implications of EBV with herbs and body work…

do my inner work to feel worthy…

SEE MYSELF as lovable and valuable…

practice ease about my bank account….

and trust that I am cared for by the Divine…

The more my financial life improves.

I have stopped pushing beyond my limits.

I have stopped hating myself for all of my imperfections.

I practice showing up as my authentic self (this one can be REALLY hard).

I have forgiven the people who I used to hold accountable for all of my problems (a big one, also not easy).

EBV is going to be with me forever, and I am going to have little flares from time to time. I did this weekend, which is what inspired this post.

I used to be really afraid of EBV because it is the suspected root cause of so many terrible physical ailments.

But now I see the flares as a call to love myself, slow down, quit trying to control everything in my life (especially when it comes to my business and money), and lean into the Divine even more heavily as my source for all.

It’s to root into these two lines of Tosha Silver’s abundance prayer:

May I know my own value, beauty, and worthiness without question.

And…

Change me into one who can fully love, forgive, and accept myself.

Because when it comes to money, it’s NEVER really about the money.

Your physical and emotional health are not separate.

It’s about you, how you feel about yourself, and the things that have happened in your life that cause you to feel that way.

Heal one and heal the other.